MY HANDICAPPED BUDDY, part II

Sorry it's been so long, but I won't bother offering reasons or excuses. Let's get down to the fun.

My friend Jim, the amputee, worked in an office of Navy instructors for a few years in Virginia. These guys team-taught a technical electronics course for future submariners. I get the idea from Jim that submariners are pretty much the cream of the crop, but even he admits that every once in a while a dud gets through. Such was the case with a co-worker of his at this school that I will call Noodle. (His name has been changed so we don't add to his shame; we're pretty certain he brings enough upon himself without any help from us.)


Now, Jim had suffered the motorcycle accident, gotten a prosthesis, gone through all the physical therapy, and had actually gone back to work as a Navy Instructor. Noodle came up to him one day and asked Jim to take his class for a couple hours so he could take his boy to a doctor visit. Noodle was a jerk, a smart-alec, and quite a bit on the nerdy side to boot, but everyone has their shortcomings. "No problem," Jim says, "write up the request chit."


Noodle fills out the request form and hands it to Jim to sign. Jim notices it says "0900 to 1530" (9 am to 3:30 pm) and asks, "If it's only for a couple hours, why did you specify nearly the whole day?" Well, Noodle says he did that just because it was simply faster to fill out the request form that way, but he would be back in the office before lunch was over. Well, Noodle's a submariner, Jim thought, this won't be a problem.


Okay so Jim teaches Noodle's class for him that morning, dismisses the class for lunch and heads down to the office. After lunch, Jim is wondering where Noodle is, when a co-worker comes in and asks, "Hey Jim, did Noodle say when he was coming back?" Jim tells him, "Yeah he said he'd be back before lunch was over."


"Well I went past his house on the way back from lunch and he's out mowing his lawn!"


Needless to say, Jim was livid. He trusted this guy to his word that he would be back before lunch, but he left him to babysit his class for the rest of the day. Noodle came in the next day and Jim tore him up one side and down the other for stabbing him in the back. He started to explain, "But you signed the chit!" and then everyone in the office was on him like white on rice. All the other instructors in the office were proclaiming Noodle a low-life back-stabber and declared that no one was ever going to agree to do him a favor. There's something about being taken advantage of, about being betrayed, stabbed in the back, that really brings out the acid and steam in a man. Jim's really a forgiving guy who bends over backwards for his buds. If Noodle had asked him right and done right, Jim would have agreed to help him out in just about any way. But he didn't, he betrayed Jim's trust and took advantage him in spite of the word he had given. Jim remained pretty ticked at Noodle for a good while.


One day some weeks later, Jim was down in the office with the other instructors, and everyone was having a rip-roaring time coming up with, believe it or not, one-legged jokes. "What do you call a woman with one leg? Eileen!" That sort of thing. They were coming up with really hilarious ones left and right. Jim is the greatest sport you ever saw, he was encouraging them and busting a gut laughing right along with everyone. Jim genuinely swears that they came up with ones he'd never heard and that most of them were really very funny.


Now all the instructors are continuing the jokefest when Noodle comes in. It takes him a few minutes to figure out what's going on (he's not the swiftest boat in the fleet), and so he stands up waves his hands a little to draw attention to himself, "Okay okay okay, I got one. What do you call a one-legged guy..." Jim doesn't even remember the joke, it wasn't anything special, but Jim saw his opportunity to exact some revenge on Noodle. Noodle tells his joke, and the whole office, as if on cue, falls dead silent and stares at him -- in shock that he would dare tell such a joke! Jim stands up and walks over to Noodle (it was uncanny how well Jim could walk, even run, on his prosthesis, but this time Jim chose to exaggerate a limp) and gets right up in his face.


"Oh that's really funny Noodle! You must think you're flippin' hilarious! Oh sure, you got your two legs so to hell with anyone who's missing one? I can't believe you, how dare you tell jokes like that, jokes about handicapped people, and thinking about nothing except how you're gonna get a laugh at my expense. How dare you!"


Jim turns and limps out of the office and all the instructors give Noodle contemptuous looks as they follow Jim out of the office. It couldn't have gone better even had it been planned that way. Jim comments how weird it was that everyone instinctually knew that Noodle was the one person in the office that should NOT have participated and that Noodle's joke was offensive while everyone else's jokes were not. Uncanny.


It took a few more weeks, but Noodle did finally apologize to Jim for taking advantage of him.


Just so all of you know, I know several handicapped people and I find them extraordinary. They are overcomers and, in general, are stronger in spirit, will, and fortitude than most of us mere "normal" people. Rather than staring at the missing limb or shrinking away at the sight of the strange prosthetic device, approach them and ask them what happened. Tell them you're sorry that they suffered such an event, commend them for overcoming, compliment the cool-looking prosthesis if they wear one, and ask a blessing of courage and strength upon them. Yeah some handicapped people can have hangups; from personal experience, most won't be offended but will enjoy your encouragement. Jim tells kids that he's part Terminator. They usually get a rise out of that.


J.P.T.